August 11, 2008, 10:41 am
Filed under: Pittsburgh | Tags:

I adore Pittsburgh weather at the moment. Beautiful sunny skies, delightfully below average temperatures, chilly nights. Amazing sleeping weather.

Thank you, oh weather gods of Pittsburgh, for such a wonderful gift. Here, have a Primanti’s sandwich.


May 18, 2008, 9:50 pm
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So, remember back in the winter, when I complained about how it SNOWED CONSTANTLY?

I was very unhappy about that.

I think that the online negativity about the weather has backfired.

Pittsburgh, I apologize. I complained and complained and COMPLAINED about how cold and miserable and snowy it was. And then I went to the Bahamas, and came back and complained MORE about how crappy the weather was. In response, the Gods of Weather have smited me. They looked at my whining, and said, “Well, FINE. You don’t want all this pretty snow? HERE. HAVE SOME RAIN.”

It has rained at least once a day (usually more, for extended periods of time) every day except one for the past 2 weeks. It is cold and yucky. It is MAY for Pete’s sake- it’s supposed to be sunny and beautiful!

So, I am deeply sorry, Pittsburgh. I wish it would stop, I really do. I am tired of the inflated hair, and the perpetually wet bottoms of jeans. I don’t want to have to carry around an umbrella and still get soaked. I want some UV rays and vitamin D.

I guess this is what I get for living in the 3rd cloudiest city in the US.

I’l try to stop complaining, so the Gods of Weather don’t smite me with a drought, a la Atlanta last year.

Something wicked this way comes…
April 1, 2008, 10:46 am
Filed under: daily | Tags:

So it’s 61 degrees today. Yay, right? Yay?

I shouldn’t complain, because it IS warm. It is finally being somewhat seasonable. You know, no more snow and bitter cold. I slept with my window cracked last night, allowing the cool spring breezes to gently caress me as I slept… under my WarmerWeight Permabaffle Down Comforter of Joy. I woke up to the happy chirps and tweets of spring birds outside my window… and the trash guys hauling away my 6 bags of junk that cleaned out of my apartment over the weekend. It is a little humid. My hair is rising to the occasion. It might be warm, but it is overcast and dreary. Sweaty armpit-esque. It keeps trying to rain, and then stopping. And then starting. Like a 70 year old man with an enlarged prostate, it just can’t keep up the water pressure to do anything substantial. Spurts and sputters, if you will. The Smell of Oakland is drifting out of manholes, nauseating bile out of the stomach of the city. Bits of green are popping out here and there, buds on trees, daffodils creeping out of the ground but not blooming yet. It’s still overwhelmingly brown and gray.

But, I should be happy, right? It’s spring, and it’s April, and it’s better than cold and snowy. Nobody ever said that giving birth to new life was squeaky clean and pleasant.

March 26, 2008, 8:56 am
Filed under: Pittsburgh | Tags: ,

I haven’t bitched about the weather for a while!

I won’t bitch today, either! You know why? It is currently 47 degrees outside. It will go up to 51, according to Now I know that’s not record breaking. BUT! It is SEASONAL. Praise be! We’re above freezing! AND! It’s sunny!

I am going to go sacrifice a virginal pigeon or something. Maybe that will keep spring on the way. HALLELUJAH.

Another post about the weather.
March 3, 2008, 9:12 am
Filed under: Pittsburgh | Tags: ,

Because I have nothing else to talk about.

Except! Except it was 48 degrees when I left my house this morning. FORTY EIGHT DEGREES. FORTY EIGHT OF THEM!  AND! it is going up to 63 today!

I am so excited. Of course, I have to spend the day sitting at the library, LOOKING at the warmth outside. But hey! it’s better than looking at it snowing. AND I will be able to watch the snow melt! It is a VICTORY against this damn winter.

We won’t talk about the fact that this is a brief interlude. Because! Victory against winter! We also won’t talk about how Bear has been in New Orleans at a nerdy chemistry convention, and now its been in the 70’s there since he arrived on Friday. Victory against winter! We also won’t talk about how I’m going to the Bahamas on a cruise for spring break next week. VICTORY AGAINST WINTER. Oh wait, we probably will talk about that. Did you hear? I’m going to the Bahamas next week, with Mama!. I’m hoping to come back with a kickass tan.


It will probably just be a sunburn though, because I am blindingly white.

Victory against winter! Bring on global warming!

Colonic Jesus
February 22, 2008, 2:02 pm
Filed under: Pittsburgh | Tags: , , ,

Oh, I just keep asking for it, don’t I? COLON CLEANSING COLON CLEANSING. There. Even more reasons for Google to bring me up whenever people search for COLON CLEANSING, and apparently they do that a lot.

Today, my personal favorite search that brought a reader to this site was “colonic Jesus”. Colonic Jesus? Really? I’m fascinated! Is this Jesus in the form of a colonic? Anal suppository Eucharist? I’m going to hell for sure now. Or maybe it’s a colonic FOR Jesus. Wouldn’t want him getting all clogged up, now would we. Maybe it’s a holy colonic, a type of penance. Say 3 hail marys and get a colonic Jesus! Yup, going straight to hell. No doubt about it.

Somebody else found me by searching for baby polar bears. Awww. Isn’t that cute? Just for that reader, here is a baby polar bear:


And another:


That’s Knut the Bear. How can you NOT love that? I just want to bury my face in his neck and allow him to remove my nose. I search for baby polar bears, too, dear reader, all the time.

Also? Pittsburgh? Go to hell. I hate this weather. There is nothing worse than shoveling HEAVY WET SNOW. I now have to eat more just to make up for that completely unnecessary exercise. GROSS. I get it. It’s winter. Now go to hell.

Speaking of going to hell… I want that power. “You, over there, the child molestor! DAMN YOU TO HELL!”

If you want to see something that really will melt your heart, here’s some more baby polar bears (Knut, specifically).

Have a good weekend, Pittsburgh. I’m going slightly east to play with babies.

Good morning, Pittsburgh
February 19, 2008, 9:48 am
Filed under: daily, Pittsburgh | Tags: ,

I woke up this morning at my usual time, 7:30 am. My alarm doesn’t go off until 7:55 am, but, by golly, my body will wake up at 7:30am without fail. Damn me having an anal retentive internal clock. And once I’m awake, I’m wide awake, and probably not happy about it.

Some of us, like Bear, don’t have such cruel, dictatorial internal clocks. Some of us, like Bear, DO have cruel, dictatorial girlfriends with cruel dictatorial internal clocks. When he tells me to make sure he’s awake so he can leave for campus with me, BY GOD IT WILL BE DONE. By any means necessary, including methods not sanctioned by the Geneva Convention.

I have control issues sometimes.

After 20 minutes of harassing him out of slumber and bed, and 6 minutes of staring at him intently while he gets all his stuff together, we leave the house 1 minute after I would have preferred to have left (Having children is going to be hard for me. What with the control issues. And the anal-retentiveness. And the cruel, dictatorial clock.)

The sun was shimmering through the bare trees in Schenley Park, and snow was sifting down from the sky. Sunlight hit the snowflakes as they sauntered past me, flaunting their crisp crystalline forms. Sunlight on a snowy day is a rare pleasure, especially since now, an hour later, the sun has gone away, and the snow is swirling down faster.

I’m glad the sun and the snow ganged up on me to force me out of my morning forced march and into an early morning reverie. I really hope that The Grand Mayor O’Pittsburgh doesn’t go through with his war on snow. What else is weather in Pittsburgh except a lesson in cognitive dissonance?