What are YOU doing in Canada?
August 12, 2008, 8:58 am
Filed under: Current Events | Tags: , , , , ,

1. Why is John Edwards’s best excuse for cheating on his wife, “but her cancer was in remission!”? Since when is it OK to cheat on your wife as long as she’s healthy? Is it more heinous to cheat when she’s sick? As Maureen Dowd said in her recent column, “his infidelity was oncologically correct”. Wait, did I really just link to Maureen Dowd? AND AGREE WITH HER? Oy. John Edwards, what strange bedfellows your adultery creates.

2. Russia invading the South Ossetia region of Georgia to reclaim part of Russia’s territory in the interest of Russians abroad sounds an awful lot like Germans invading the Sudetenland region of Austria to reclaim part of Germany’s territory in the interest of Germans abroad. The difference is that Russia is weak, underfed, over-liquored and poor, while Germany was strong, fed, sober and rich in their military. Putin and his ilk are attempting to resuscitate the Soviet corpse, to bring back the ‘good old days’. Poor choice, Putin. It is bound to fail.

3. I had to spend 45 minutes on the bus going home yesterday listening to a Pittsburgh Democrat pontificate on the election. He declared that McCain will destroy the economy. He is pissed that McCain betrayed his fiscal conservative beliefs by hopping on board with Bush and supporting the Bush tax cuts.

I promptly had an aneurysm. Supporting the Bush tax cuts is part of being a fiscal conservative. McCain was opposed to them originally. By switching, he is actually becoming a fiscal conservative. Bush is not truly fiscally conservative, as evidenced by the huge amount of spending, but he did enact the tax cuts which created the prosperity of the past 5 years. What does this guy define ‘fiscal conservative’ as?

4. http://abstrusegoose.com/3


Monday morning mix
August 4, 2008, 8:45 am
Filed under: daily | Tags:

1. My uterus is still vacant.

2. I survived 5 thunderstorms while camping. The dog is still exhausted. She spent the whole time running and visiting and swimming and sniffing and having a grand old time.

3. I am getting into a lot of reading now that I have nothing else to do. It is delightful.

4. My Grandma is going to be removed from hospice. Because you know, she’s not dying. Anymore. My aunt and my father decided that she’s never actually going to die, and the grandchildren will have to take over paying her bills eventually.

Dear Abby
April 17, 2008, 6:39 pm
Filed under: daily | Tags: , , ,

The New York Times has this article today, discussing the winners of a contest for the best advice from parents. This was inspired by Pittsburgh’s own Randy Pausch, the CMU professor who is dying from pancreatic cancer. His “Last Lecture” is a love letter to his babies, and advice to them for living the lives that he is going to miss.

I was reading through the original submissions here (and there are a lot of them), and I started thinking about the nuggets of advice my parents left me.

1. A man is not a home improvement project. You can’t change someone. If you find yourself thinking, “Oh, I can change that!” you’re wrong, and this person is telling you something about themselves that you don’t like. People rarely lie if you listen and watch closely.

2. If you have a headache, you probably need to sleep, eat, drink water, or poop. Try those, and then come back and ask me for tylenol. Why take drugs for something that is caused by something so simple?

3. No matter what you do with your life, always make sure that you have the skills and qualifications that you need in order to always be able to support yourself and your family alone. You never know if you’re going to be divorced, widowed, or supporting a disabled husband, so you should never count on his income to support your babies. Your salary must be enough, and anything else should be saved religiously for a rainy day. They always happen eventually.

4. You can tell a person’s character by the strength of their handshake, their ability to look you in the eye, the way they treat wait staff, and how they speak to their mothers. If someone has a weak handshake, they are shady and squirrelly. If they can’t look you in the eye, they are lying to you about something. If they treat wait staff badly, they are arrogant and unkind, which are both unacceptable. If a man treats his mother poorly, he thinks poorly of all women, and will treat you badly, too. You should make sure you avoid these things, too.

5. Wash your hands often and well. It will keep you from getting sick.

6. Don’t eat when you aren’t hungry. Eat when you are hungry. Doing the first will keep you thin. Doing the 2nd will keep you happy.

What advice did your parents give to you? What advice would you give your children?

Because I need a new post up
April 3, 2008, 9:31 am
Filed under: daily | Tags:

One that isn’t all sad and depressing and crap.

List of pet peeves (believe me, there are many):

1. People who drag their feet when they walk. wssh wssh wssh wssh every step OMG WTF.

2. The girls who need a basic lesson in makeup. You know, things like this: I know you have acne, but caking heavy foundation on it is just making it worse. Vicious cycle, but you need to break it. Or the ones who think that bright red lipstick looks really good on them all day every day, even if they are pale as ghosts with dry, chapped lips. Or the heavy heavy eyeshadow up to their brow bone. Honestly, chickies? If I see you at the library, you’re probably a college student, and this is probably as pretty as you’ll ever be, for better or worse. Live it up, and don’t hide under all that make up. A little isn’t bad: the eastern european in me requires coverup every morning on my HUGE DARK CIRCLES under my eyes, or they might eat my face. Who doesn’t love a little lipgloss? And if you don’t have eyelashes (raises hand), mascara is useful. But a full face is overkill. Chances are you’re better off with no makeup.

3. Slow walkers.

4. People who refuse to ever touch a Mac, even when there’s a line at the computer lab and there are 3 Macs open. It confuses people when you just stand there, and we don’t want to jump ahead of you. But we do anyways. BECAUSE YOU LACK ANY SENSE OF ADVENTURE. Oh, and PCs suck.

Also, my professors told me today that I have a peculiar sense of humor. I am glad that they’ve recognized this wonderful quality in me.