Trail Mix for the weekend
July 11, 2008, 8:58 am
Filed under: daily, Dogs | Tags: , ,

So, I’m still a follower.

But hey look! You too can be a follower! YOU CAN FOLLOW ME! Due to my awesome technical skillz, I figured out (WITH NO HELP WHATSOEVER) how to put twitter on my blog. Look to the right! It’s right there!

Actually, Dan sent me some links that taught me how to do it. With only minor technical difficulties, I was able to make it work. Wee!

So, uh, thanks, Dan. I’m still not letting you have the reserves seat, though. Sorry.

Anyways. In other news on the Dormont home front, a certain puppy doggie has developed mad magical skillz (that’s the last time I say that, I promise). Yesterday, she managed to push her crate 2 feet from the wall, and get a hold of a paper bag which she then ripped to shreds. And probably ate some of it too. Mmm, fiber. Because she needs to poop more than she already does, clearly.

That might not seem that impressive. She’s a puppy, right? Puppies are strong and persistent and destructive, especially if left alone.

Will you be more impressed if I tell you that she did all that while LOCKED INSIDE HER CRATE? Because she did. I am having images of her growing into super dog, with the crate around her torso, and her head and legs sticking out of it. You never know. The dog’s got mad skillz (HA! really, that’s the last time).

Dan just told me that my blog is too much about me. Well, fine then.

Here, have some reading material. I’m sure you need something to do while you’re on the pot this weekend.

In case you thought that political correctness was incorrect: you’re right!

In case you thought that the Brits really have gone out of their bloody minds: you’re right!

Seriously, you need to read the 2nd article. Have they spent any time at all around small children? If not, here are some rules they need to follow:

1. Children are inherently assholes. They will be assholey about anything, including their food. It turns into a power struggle.

2. Children are inherently conservative. They are cautious and distrustful of change. In fact, they tend to resist change. If they have not been eating spicy food every day for their short lives, they probably will reject it if you hand it to them. And if you force it on them, they will become assholes about it and resist completely.

So, children will not be thrilled about being handed weird food. That doesn’t make them racist; it makes them children.



Chocolate Sybil Cake- Paula Deen
February 15, 2008, 12:56 pm
Filed under: Food | Tags: , , ,

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First of all, I would like to share with you how much I love Paula Deen: A LOT. Ok, maybe that didn’t describe my adoration enough. First of all, I think she’s adorable. I just want to hug her. I’m sure she gives fantastic hugs. When she laughs, I laugh too, because her laugh is just so infectious. When she takes a bite of her food, SHE SWALLOWS (most of the Food Network cooks don’t**) and then she has a little orgasm over it. All that mmm-ing and oooh-ing and then “Ohhhhh, you’ll just LOVE this, ya’ll!” I LOVE IT. On top of that, I love that she puts butter in everything. EVERYTHING. One of my all-time favorite quotes from her is, “Love comes in the form of buttah!” Ohhhhhh, I just loooove this, ya’ll!

Since the writer’s strike caused most of respectable TV to be replaced with awful, more awful than usual, reality shows (American Gladiators? Really? Who thought that was a good idea?), I’ve spent a lot of time watching The Food Network. My personal favorites are Paula Deen (no, really?), The Barefoot Contessa (although she tends to cook things with very expensive ingredients requiring odd cookware), Everyday Italian (totally a spitter, but her food is excellent) and Guy’s Big Bites (manly man food cooked by a questionably heterosexual man). I watch Rachael Ray mostly to get entertainment out of how FREAKIN’ CRAZY she is. Really, she’s off her rocker. Watch her enough, and you’ll realize that she might actually be possessed by the devil.

The other week, ROOMMATE! and his girlfriend were apparently watching Paula Deen (we’re all hooked) and she was making comfort food. Specifically she made a Chocolate Sybil Cake, which really might be the ultimate comfort chocolate. So, ROOMMATE!’s girlfriend made it a few days after Groundhog’s Day, and renamed it Thaddeus’ Greek Orthodox Groundhog’s Day Cake. Thaddeus is her groundhog puppet who lives in our apartment. Recently, he was used by Bear as a receptacle for his insulin pump, so it wouldn’t bug me as much when it BUZZED EVERY FIVE MINUTES because he forgot to bring insulin to refill it, and it needed to remind him CONSTANTLY that HEY, HEY YOU’RE GETTING LOW ON INSULIN. HEY, YOU’RE STILL LOW. HEY, YOU MIGHT RUN OUT IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS IF YOU DON’T CHANGE IT NOW. ZOMG. I hate it when it does that. However, Thaddeus muffled the BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ quite well so I could sleep.

ANYWAYS. The Greek Orthodox comes from the fact that Roommate’s Girlfriend’s Father has a mistaken belief that all holidays have a Greek Orthodox counterpart that comes a week or so after the official holiday. This includes Secretaries’ Day. Since she was a little late on the cake, Thaddeus’s Groundhog’s Day Cake became Greek Orthodox.

The cake was pretty much the most amazing experience on the face of the earth. I think it might actually beat out sex. The chocolate comes from 16 ounces of Hershey’s Syrup. There are 2 sticks of butter. 4 eggs. I think I might try cutting out some of the sugar, since Hershey’s syrup is so sugary. The cake might be slightly too sweet. I also might try bittersweet chocolate for the icing next time. But that’s because I’m a little nutty, and desserts can actually be too sweet for my taste. This is really strange, considering what a powerful sweettooth I have. Regardless, all that syrup and butter and eggs make it squishy and gooey, somewhere beyond even a brownie. It really is comfort food. I recommend it highly. I made it last night for my (diabetic) boyfriend for Valentine’s Day. I am either the greatest or the worst girlfriend in the history of the universe. Actually, I’m just cheap and we don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day.

After you eat it, you should start watching Paula Deen as habitually as I do.

**There are two types of cooking show cooks: spitters and swallowers. Spitters spit out their bites of food off camera, as to avoid gaining unnecessary weight from trying everything they make on TV. Swallowers do the opposite. The next time you watch The Food Network, watch the cooks carefully after they take a bite. Spitters take a bite, and then the camera cuts off of them or they switch to commercial mid chew. You never actually see them bite, chew, swallow, and start talking again. Swallowers have a definite pause while they chew and swallow. In the case of Paula Deen, it’s chew, swallow, orgasm. LOVE IT. I think we can tell what class I respect more.



Bloody Mary Steaks
January 26, 2008, 10:48 pm
Filed under: Food | Tags: , , ,

One of my goals from this blog is to regularly share recipes that I have discovered and enjoyed. I love to eat, and I love to cook. I would like to cook more often, preferably followed immediately by eating. Perhaps writing about it will encourage me to cook more! Or at least, as often as I can when restricted by school and monetary constraints. Also, cooking elaborately is difficult when one doesn’t have a car in a city: who wants to go grocery shopping that often, and have to drag the food back on a bus, and then trek from the bus stop to home? I don’t, that’s for sure. Give me a few months, and that problem will be solved.

Anyways, dinner one!

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Menu: Bloody Mary Flank Steaks, Boiled Potatoes, Salad, American Pie Cocktails.

  • Blood Mary Flank Steaks:  This is a marinade based on the idea of a Bloody Mary: tomato juice and vodka with horseradish and various spices. Plus olive oil to make it a good marinade. We let it sit for 8 hours, because we wanted to eat it for dinner and didn’t have the fixin’s for the marinade until late morning. Very easy to make, as long as you prepare in advance. Very tender, juicy and tasty. Didn’t get a whole lot of the Blood Mary vibe. I think the horseradish and hot sauce can be increased without any problems. Kudos to “Guy’s Big Eats” on the Food Network for this tasty meat.

Here is Bear enjoying dinner:

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  • Boiled Potatoes: Get potatoes. Boil. Butter, salt and pepper. Not a hard task. Kudos to Betty Crocker for cooking times.
  • Salad: Yeah. Leaves. In bowl. Add dressing.
  • American Pie Cocktails: This is another “Guy’s Big Eats” creation. Kind of on the sweet side for me, but I am an avid fan of gin and tonics, so I might be biased. The cranberry juice evens out the sweet of the whiskey and apple liqueur. Could be improved with 100% cranberry juice, not from concentrate, without high fructose corn syrup, but one can’t be picky. Still a fun, tasty drink. Especially if you like them strong.

And here we have Roommate making faces during dinner. I never said we were civilized.

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All in all, a delicious meal. The recipes from The Food Network will be saved. Possibly even made again.
Now, back to my American Pie Cocktail.