Cracked out Baby
February 25, 2008, 9:54 am
Filed under: Food | Tags: ,

One thing that is important to know about Bear is that he doesn’t need coffee in the morning to wake up. He needs coffee in general in order to function correctly. You know how if you’re an alcoholic for long enough, your body as a whole starts to depend on the alcohol? Without alcohol, you can’t perform the biochemistry that you need to in order to live. Going cold turkey can actually kill you.

That’s the way Bear is with coffee. It’s not just the caffeine, it’s coffee in general. He needs the whole bean or he’s down and out. I keep suggesting that he start injecting coffee into his insulin pump, so that he gets a steady stream of it. He needs it as much as he needs insulin, really.

There’s a reason for this. The boy was drinking coffee at about 2 or 3. All of his siblings were. They were given a sippy cup (A SIPPY CUP, for Pete’s sake) with half coffee, half milk, and sugar. And they drank it. And they loved it. And now they require coffee in order to function. It’s a family trait, this coffee dependence. One might think that little kids would be turned off by the taste of coffee. I still haven’t acquired a taste for it, even though Mama! keeps telling me that I won’t be allowed to call myself a grownup until I do.

Bear’s  nephew starting tipping his head into Bear’s coffee cup last night, which is the way a 15 month old asks for you to help him drink out of a cup. Haha, funny, everybody thinks it’s cute, little baby won’t like coffee. So they got a spoon, and Bear spoonfed him a taste of it. He got a perturbed look on his face, walked away, Hahaha, funny ha. Ha. Wait, he’s coming back and asking for more. Mouth wide open like a baby bird, but instead of partially digested, regurgitated worms, this baby bird is asking for coffee. He LIKES it. He spent the next half hour perched next to Kevin, being spoonfed coffee, oddly calmer than he was all day.

I see coffee-drinking babies in my future. Apparently this is in their genes. I might as well accept it now.