Signs of Pregnancy (Spoiler alert: NOT PREGNANT)
September 26, 2011, 9:31 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

If you follow me on the twitter, you’ll know that I have major (and irrational) baby fever.

I want a baby.

Except that I don’t actually want a baby at all! The idea of doing anything to get pregnant on purpose makes me break out in hives. Scares the crap out of me. NOT READY. Not even remotely ready. I’m only 25! I’m still in school! I LIKE SLEEP!

And yet, my hormones are all BABYBABYBABYBABY.

It’s sort of not really fair at all.

I haven’t hidden the crazy contradictory urges from the twitter at all. As a result, I get harassed a lot about whether or not I’m pregnant. It doesn’t seem to matter WHAT I say, someone takes it as a sign that I’m pregnant. Someone had that as the first sign that they were pregnant.

“I have heartburn!” “ARE YOU PREGNANT?!”

“The dogs won’t leave me alone! Stop sniffing me!” “PREGNANT?!”

“I’m so tired!” “You must be pregnant! That happened to me when I was pregnant!”

You guys. I AM NOT PREGNANT. Unless something really startling happens, it’s not going to happen any time soon, either. (Watch it. Now that I’ve said that on The Internet, I’ve jinxed myself, and I’m going to get pregnant tonight. Despite not doing anything that could result in me getting pregnant.)

Sometimes the dogs sniff me because I was at someone else’s house and I smell interesting, like cats and small children. Sometimes I’m just TIRED. Sometimes, I make enchiladas and drink a lot of wine. $5 says that’s the cause of the heartburn, NOT PREGNANCY.

And I can’t help but think that if all of these (and then some) are signs that someone was pregnant, all of these ‘signs of pregnancy’ are full of crap.


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

ha, have you ever looked up pregnancy symptoms? Funny read right there….

Comment by TwinmamaTeb

Reading pregnancy symptoms is just plain hilarious.

So. Are you pregnant? 😉

Comment by MamaPhan (@MamaPhan)

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