August 6, 2009, 7:35 pm
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When I was rejected from the fellowship down in Maryland, my mother told me that one of her crazy coworkers told her that she looked up my birthday in her astrology resources, and the stars were aligned for things to look up for me this fall. “Not to worry,” she said, “Everything will work out for her this fall!”

My mother and I rolled our eyes.

I have been avoiding this blog because all I wanted to do every time I started to write a new post was pound my fists and scream and yell and throw a temper tantrum. Damnit! I went to a good school. I got good grades in a difficult major, with an extra (easy as cake major) just to even things out. I went to grad school immediately, no time off. It was the NUMBER ONE SCHOOL for that program, in the nation. NUMBER ONE. I got good grades. I graduated.

And then the economy fell apart. I have been enraged about my dumb luck and the stupid people who screwed up the stupid economy with their stupid mortgages and the stupid people on Wall Street and WHY WAS THIS HAPPENING TO ME WAH.

And then I felt guilty because there were other people out there who had it worse than me, and what right did I have to whine? I should be grateful for the roof over my head and food in my belly.

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And also for the puppy in my house who loves me unconditionally. Especially when I take her for long runs in the dog park, with dips in the creek.

I haven’t been able to think of anything else for the past long while, and for that I apologize. I apologize mostly to myself because this was a period of my life that I ought to have recorded. My anguish, however emo and pathetic it may have been, was real. But so was the rest of my life. I did plenty of other things in the past few months.

1. I graduated


Which clearly my mom and I found hilarious.

2. I went to Kansas City and visited the Truman Library.


My father is more amused than he lets on.

3. While in Kansas City, my cousin was conveniently getting married. And so, I girded myself.


That dress is vintage! My nana made it over 50 years ago, after she birthed 3 of her 4 children. By the summer of 1954 she 3 children in diapers, under the age of 26 months. Crazy, yes, but she ended up thinner after that than she started. I guess growing 3 large babies in 26 months is draining. Either way, the dress came with a built in girdle to suck you in so you can zip it up. I also wore spanxx from my bra to my thighs to smooth things over nicely. I don’t think my abs have ever had a better work-out than wearing that get-up for an entire day.

4. I got engaged.

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Notice I cropped out my terribly chewed up cuticles.

So I can’t help but notice it’s not fall yet. And yet, I’m starting an amazing job next week. It’s only a year, and I won’t get rich from it, but I’m taking classes for free, getting a degree for free, getting a free computer, and working in a medical library 20 hours a week. It’s a fantastic step to doing what I want to do, and I don’t even have to buy a car or pay for bus fare. I went to a new city, realized I can in fact get thinner, and I get to start planning a wedding with my best friend. All by August.

So, here’s to astrology, University ID bus fare, and the National Library of Medicine: I clink my beer bottle to the computer screen.