She doth protest too much.
November 4, 2008, 12:53 pm
Filed under: Current Events | Tags: , , ,

My father and I have a sick sense of humor.

We like to gang up on my mother and harass her.

A favorite way of doing this is to inform strangers, in public, that she is an alcoholic.

The preferred method is to go to a nice restaurant with her, and wait until she’s ordering an alcoholic drink from the waiter.

Then, someone says, “You know, you really shouldn’t be ordering that.” Pregnant pause, and turn to look at the waiter apologetically. “She’s an alcoholic.” The other person nods solemnly.

No matter what she does or says, she ends up looking like an alcoholic. A stranger might wonder why her family would announce she was an alcoholic to him if she wasn’t actually an alcoholic. Therefore, her protestations must be because she’s in DENIAL, not because she doesn’t have a drinking problem, but rather has a crazy relatives problem. And hence, ought to be drinking MORE. It really is amazing that she tolerates us.

The poor waiter is usually extremely uncomfortable. He is usually frozen in place, wide eyed. “Crap,” he’s thinking, “Is this going to affect my tip?”

The poor waiter.

That’s how I feel about this election. It is automatically assumed by those on the Left that if you are not voting for Obama, it is because you hate black people. That is the ONLY reason to dislike him: disagreeing with his policies and disapproving of his record- why, that’s crazy talk! No one actually disagrees with Obama!

And there is no way you can argue with that, not without looking like a racist. You protest too much: you must be racist.

I am not racist. I am not opposed to a black person holding the highest office in the land. In fact, I think it’s high time it happened.

But not this one.

And I would prefer that you denigrate me because of my politics, and not because of my presumed racism.

Thank you. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go start drinking now.