Beggars can’t be Sleepers
September 2, 2008, 1:02 pm
Filed under: daily | Tags:

We have a begging problem. Living with Katie is kind of like living in Oakland all over again. This dark creature lurks in the corners, sometimes smells a little off, and gets up in your face about sharing ‘the wealth’. However, she’s more interested in getting food than in getting money. Whereas the average pan-handler will refuse a sandwich, because peanut butter and jelly won’t get them a hit of crack, the average puppy dog refuses a dollar bill because highly processed cellulose doesn’t quiet the HUNGER BEAST.

Katie is generally a nosy stalker as it is. If you get up, she gets up and follows you. What are you doing? Are you going to feed me? What about now? Are you going somewhere? Can I come with? You’re going upstairs? I’ll come along. You need company. What are you doing in the closet? Can I see? Is there any food in there? You’re going back downstairs? Ok, I’ll come with. I’m going to run into your legs as you walk down the stairs. Wasn’t that fun? Are you going to eat something? Can I eat something?

So when you do bring out FOOD, she’s all up in your face about it. Occasionally, when she’s really being an ass, she yips and barks at you. She’s all, “give me your food, bitch!”

If she were an Oakland beggar, she’d be cited for aggressive pan-handling by the Pitt Police. It would be written up in the police blotter in the Pitt News and everything.

This weekend, we exhausted the poor animal. On Saturday, she went to the football game pre-game festivities to watch the marching band and drumline perform. That was a 4 hour walk for her, filled with lots of people to see, lots of sniffs to smell, and lots of children to pet her. At one point, she had a line of small children waiting to greet her. Like she was the Queen of England or something.

On Sunday, we went to Bear’s parents house where she ran around like a crazy person. She ran on that grass like grass was going out of style.

On Monday, the day she normally Recovers From The Weekend When the People Exhaust Her, Bear instead took her to Oakland to the annual drumline softball game. Another 4 hours of being adored and sniffing and darting around like a flea on crack.

These events compounded while I was eating beef stew the other night. She began begging. We have restricted her begging to SILENT and DISTANT. She may attempt to use her puppy powers to will us into giving her whatever it is we are consuming, but she must do it away from us, and she must not make noise while doing so. She broke one of those rules by resting her chin on the armrest of my chair, staring at me with the force of a well-practiced interrogator.

I was about to shoo her away and scold her for begging when I noticed that her eyelids were beginning to droop. Intrigued, I paused to see what would happen.

Droop.

Drooop.

Her eyes closed and she fell asleep, her chin still resting on the armrest. She wavered and tipped over to the left. She caught herself before actually falling. She then pretended that it didn’t happen, and promptly curled up in the corner and fell fast asleep.

Moral of the story? A tired puppy is a good puppy, but an exhausted to the point of near-drunk puppy is a hilarious puppy.

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