Things the Animal has done
July 25, 2008, 9:13 am
Filed under: daily

While in her crate, no less, the animal has been able to perform these amazing feats of puppy strength:

1. She moved her crate 2 feet from the wall.

2. She got paper/cardboard/plastic bags WHILE IN HER CRATE and pulled them in with her. To shred to pieces, of course.

3. She flung the trash can (which was on top of the crate) off of the crate and into the living room. Her crate is in the kitchen.

4. She hunted a rabbit, killed it, skinned it, and roasted it for dinner.

Ok, actually #4 is a lie. I wouldn’t be surprised if I came home to hossenpfeffer some day, though.

She also rarely uses the steps individually. She instead leaps over them altogether, usually slamming headfirst into the wall at the landing.

She is a ninja dog. She can blend into the very dark navy blue futon. Sometimes, depending on how the light is, I will spend 5 minutes looking for her, calling her, worrying about whether or not she’s lightbeamed herself up to the Enterprise, and she’ll be patiently sitting on the sofa, looking at me all, “You ass. I’m right here. These stupid humans I am saddled with, they are making me stupider by the minute.” And then we make out for a while.

I have 1 week left of class/school work. I have in the works a treatise on my conservativism, an analysis of the BPA-free plastic hoopla with the help of Top Scientist Bear, and an adventure into making Girl Scout cookies at home. These things must wait until I am done doing the stuff that, you know, people will actually READ and then determine whether or not I am allowed to be one third librarian.


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