The case of the aerosol pee
July 16, 2008, 2:35 pm
Filed under: daily, Dogs | Tags: ,

Katie is adorable.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of that because my GAWD can she be a royal pain in the ass.

She is adorable!

I am the last to leave in the morning. The Men trot off the work bright and early with their briefcases and their travel mugs of coffee. I sit around in my bathrobe naked when they leave, checking email, drinking tea, and eating cereal. Usually in the same chair, because I’m habitual like that.

Katie hates being left alone. This might be one of her most endearing and most exasperating qualities. She loves to cuddle up with us, but she flips shit when we leave. When not everybody is home, she paces a lot. She tends to spend a lot of time in the front hall, praying to the Doggie Gods Who Control The Door to please let them come back in the house and play with her. In the morning, she does this a lot.

And she also barks.

This is a problem for a few reasons.

1. It drives me up the wall.

2. Our building has two apartments: us on the 2nd and 3rd floors, and a nice couple on the first floor. The front porch was long-ago closed in with windows. Our entrance is a tiny sliver on one side of the old porch, into the front hall and up the stairs. The wall separating our part of the porch from theirs is thin enough that we can smell their cigarette smoke (TOTALLY AGAINST THE LEASE. TOTALLY WILL HOLD THAT AGAINST THEM IF THEY EVER COMPLAIN ABOUT US). If its thin enough for cigarette smoke, its thin enough that they can hear Katie barking. At 7am.

So, I can’t let her bark down there. I have recently discovered that she is afraid of newspapers. We suspected that she may have been mistreated at one or both of her previous homes, and now it appears that she was mistreated with newspapers. She cowers when you hold one up and does whatever you ask immediately.

While I am unhappy that she was mistreated….

….this also means all I have to do is hold up a newspaper and she obeys. All the benefit from beatings, none of the guilt! Everyone wins!

Since I started using the newspaper, she doesn’t stand downstairs barking anymore. She curls up on the sofa and then tries to quietly slink away downstairs where she stands silently, hoping I won’t notice. Success!

But I still don’t want her down in the front hall unsupervised. She is a puppy. She cannot be trusted. I have to chase her back upstairs so she doesn’t, oh, I don’t know, POOP ON THE FLOOR LIKE SHE DID ON MONDAY.

I have such small demands, you know?

Today, we had a repeat performance: quietly laying on the couch until I wasn’t paying attention, and then slinking downstairs to pray to the Door Gods. When Bear left, I took her out so she could watch him leave and so she could pee.

When I left, I didn’t smell any pee. When I came back in, I didn’t smell any pee. 15 minutes later, when I went down to chase her back upstairs, I smelled pee. Distinctly, without a doubt. It was urine.

But there was no spot to be found. Nothing. Not a speck. I was on my hands and knees in my bathrobe naked, feeling and sniffing the carpet. No wet spot, and the carpet didn’t smell like pee. But the AIR did. I must have sniffed that entire carpet. Nothing!

If it was old pee, that would be weird. She has never peed in the front hall. She pooped there once. Besides, the smell of pee wouldn’t suddenly get strong, it would have smelled for a while. If it was new pee, it wouldn’t have dried that fast.

So what did she do? My best guess is that she’s managed to turn her pee into an aerosol, and sprayed a fine mist around the entire area. There’s no other logical explanation.


1 Comment so far
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you promised substance! liar!

Comment by Math Major

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