Proof that the World is Ending
March 6, 2008, 10:07 am
Filed under: Current Events | Tags: , , ,

1. Treadmills for Kids. Why does a kid need a treadmill? The answer is, there is no reason. If you want your kid to get some exercise, and to run around and get some “cardio”, send your kid outside and chase him around. This is a very easy concept. Live in the city? Take him to the park. It’s too cold out? Bundle him up like Ralphie. Afraid of people kidnapping him? Then don’t take your eyes off of him. THIS IS NOT A DIFFICULT CONCEPT.

Besides, the idea of exercising for the sake of exercise is a foreign idea to children. Exercise is a byproduct of playing. Playing happens best outside. The great outdoors also blows the stink off of your kid. A treadmill is boring to him, it won’t get used, and then you just threw 109 bucks down the drain.

So, take your kids outside. It’s free and fun.

2. Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. I love Patrick Swayze in an entirely illogical way, particularly in “Dirty Dancing”. I know he’s a terrible actor but look at how dreamy! And that mullet! Oh, excuse me while I swoon. *fans self*

Seriously, though, pancreatic cancer is a terrible diagnosis. You only have a 5% chance of living for 5 years after diagnosis. That awesome computer professor from Carnegie Mellon, Randy Pausch, is dying from it. I have only the best wishes for Patrick Swayze, but I don’t see this turning out well. The poor guy.

At least I’ll always have “Dirty Dancing”.

(I seriously recommend clicking the “Randy Pausch” link. It takes you to the youtube video of his last lecture, which is now an international phenomenon. You will cry. Bring tissues. I highly recommend it. No, really. Watch it. Why aren’t you watching it? DO WHAT I TELL YOU, MINIONS.)

3. The Mon Wharf is closed.

Oh wait, no, just kidding, that happens every other week here in Pittsburgh. The news just acts like its evidence of the world ending. Sorry, I got confused.

4. Bear is in the air today. He is probably on a plane now. He is supposed to land around 3 this afternoon. So of course, I opened post-gazette.com, and what do I see? This. This is what I see. Hey, Universe? When my dear darling boy is in a plane, there should not be near-collisions near Pittsburgh. I don’t care that it wasn’t his plane, and nothing actually happened. I had to spend at least 5 minutes deep-breathing before my eyes would un-bug and allow me to blink correctly. I may have to go get a drink. Of something strong. Don’t do that to me!

5. I’m going to the Bahamas. I know! Over a week of no posting! The world IS ending. I leave for The East tomorrow morning, then we go to New York City on Saturday morning to get on the boat. A week at sea, and then I’ll be back in Pittsburgh next Sunday. If you want to stalk me, here is the itinerary. You can be jealous. Hell, even I’m jealous of myself.

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