How to Avoid Being An Asshole
March 5, 2008, 11:00 am
Filed under: daily | Tags:

I have a hard time with being social. My default position is lazy and shy, and probably eating chocolate. I don’t want to have to leave my apartment when it’s cold. I don’t want to have to smile and be polite and charming, because that’s exhausting. It might give me wrinkles. I only consume so many calories per day: I can’t waste them on CHARM. I always have a hard time fitting in, even if it’s just in my head. I was never one of the popular girls. When I developed a substantial group of friends in high school, no one was more surprised than me. I don’t like putting myself out there (why do I have a blog then? I have no idea either.) It’s a good thing I have a boyfriend tied up and in the bag, because the dating scene gives me heartburn.

If I had my way, I would probably never the leave the apartment, I would have about 2 friends, and I would be reading and/or knitting constantly. I am, in fact, 87 years old. If I wasn’t allergic, I would probably have too many cats. I would also have a spotless apartment. It really is amazing I have a boyfriend, now that I think about it.

So this weekend, I went over to my friend’s apartment and hung out, since What’s-His-Face was in New Orleans. I came close to not going, even though she’s invited me repeatedly. And then I had to sit down and have a talk with myself, and I said, “Katrina, you asshole. You haven’t seen her in months, her sister just died, and you have nothing better to do on your Saturday night but sit around watching “What Not to Wear”. Get the hell out of here.”

Sometimes, I need to give myself a good kick in the ass. But then I had go home and sleep for 10 hours because being charming was so exhausting.

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