Follow-up
January 31, 2008, 6:33 pm
Filed under: daily | Tags: ,

They also sell milk on Amazon.com.

I have no words for this.

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How To Buy A Rock
January 30, 2008, 7:25 pm
Filed under: daily | Tags: , , ,

Did you know that amazon.com sells engagement rings? Like, they really do. Look: not only can you buy an engagement ring, but you can create your own. Who knew? I sure didn’t. They actually seem to be pretty nice.

Example 1: I created this one on Amazon.
Cost: $5868.
Carat: 1.03
Cut: very good (2nd highest)
Clarity: VS1 (only visible infractions with 10X microscope)
Color: D (highest).
The side diamonds are a total 2/5 carat. 14K gold setting, size 6.

Example 2: I created this on Zales.com.
Cost: $9954.42.
Carat: 1.01
Cut: Not option
Clarity: VS1
Color: D.
Side diamonds are total 1/2 carat (1/10 of a carat more than example 1.)
14K gold setting, size 6.

To round, that is a FOUR THOUSAND DOLLAR DIFFERENCE, when the only visible difference is 1/10th of a carat in the side diamonds. Is a tenth of a carat worth FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS?

No, ladies and gentlemen, the answer is no. One Tenth Of A Carat Is Not Worth FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.

HAVE I EMPHASIZED FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS ENOUGH YET?
This is why I love, adore, want to do filthy, filthy things to, admire and support amazon.com. They have gone from cheap books (something I am a huge proponent of) to this. They sell everything. They recently started endless.com, where I bought THESE for just over $18. They arrived today. They are on my feet. I am pleased. I would only wear maryjane flats if it was reasonable in the crazy winter weather that happens in Pittsburgh. I would forsake all other clothing before maryjanes if I had to. You get that? I would walk around naked as long as I could still have these on my feet. I AM THAT SICK.

Next up? You’ll be able to buy a wife at Amazon.com. Buy a wife and an engagement ring, get free shipping and gift wrap!

So, if that isn’t a shameless plug for Amazon.com, I don’t know what is. However, I would not have discovered the engagement rings on amazon.com if not for this blog entry as referenced in this blog entry as referenced in one of my favorite blogs, The Simple Dollar. Hat tip that!

*Note: depending on who your girlfriend is, and how attached she is to brand names and the “stigma” that comes from buying things “on the cheap”, you might want to avoid mentioning amazon.com until after you have the wedding band firmly on that finger. However, if she is anything like me (German to a fault, ipso facto opposed to spending money altogether), that’s a surefire way to get her to say yes AND in the sack. I would be all “YOU SAVED FOUR THOUSAND BUCKS?!?! KICK ASS! LETS GO OPEN A RothIRA, BABY!” Or something equally nerdy and foreward-thinking. You may have noticed that I am a peculiar 21 year old.

Bear? I love you. And this was not a shameless hint at all.



Oh Noetry!
January 30, 2008, 9:30 am
Filed under: Books, Library | Tags: , ,

When I was a little girl, Papa! read me poetry at night instead of bedtime stories. He’s the major reader in the family: Mama! reads, but not quite to the extent that my dad does. He is the reason I have such a deep attachment to books. You know, such a deep attachment that I had to bring most of my collection to college with me, because the idea of not having them near me was too devastating. Even though my college has a massively huge library system, that probably has all of my books and then some. But no, I needed MY books with me AT ALL TIMES. This will never change. Hence, the secondary English lit major and the librarianing. Of course, when I learned to read and discovered the newspaper in the morning, he would grumble about”who thought it was a good idea to teach you to read?” when I would heist the front page before he got to it. When I got good at reading, we switched, and I would read poetry outloud to him.

Because of this, I love poetry. As much as I love novels, poetry makes me warm and fuzzy. Some of my favorites include e e cummings, W. B. Yeats, Seamus Heaney, Oscar Wilde, T. S. Eliot. I love to read them outloud to this day. I love the way the words sound together, how they feel in my mouth. I could read the same poem over and over again, and never get tired of it. I am a huge nerd. Feel free to mock me.

When working at the library, sometimes I come across books that interest me, and immediately after discharging them, I will check them out for myself. One can imagine how many books I have sitting at home now. This happened on Monday, when I saw a collection of poems that I wanted to look through.

Later that night, Bear was putting me to bed, and I offered to read some of the poems out loud to him. He likes listening to me read poetry. Or at least, he knows how much I love reading poetry aloud, and sharing poems I love with the people I love. He humors me a lot. He is a good Bear.

I read a few, some about love, some about life, some about excrement. After a handful, he said, “These are good poems! What’s the book called?”

And I swear, you can’t make this shit up, I had to answer, “‘Good Poems.'”



Slack mouth horror
January 28, 2008, 1:12 pm
Filed under: Library | Tags: ,

I sit at the desk here at the library. I am doing nothing but reading The Internet. I have my vacation face on. (Vacation Face: slack mouth, unfocused eyes, possible drool). Nobody has so much asked for directions to the bathroom in 20 minutes. I have even gotten bored with procrastinating so I occasionally look at the book I am reading for class.

So why, oh why, do you walk to the end of the desk and put your books in the bin? DO YOU NOT SEE THAT THE ONLY EXCITEMENT IN MY LIFE IS DISCHARGING BOOKS?



Why The Internet Should Be Monitored at Work
January 28, 2008, 10:34 am
Filed under: daily | Tags: , ,

Roommate! works with me at the library. We never actually work together, but sometimes we work at the same time on different floors. The job of the lowly student worker at the library involves very little actual work, and we might get paid more than we deserve considering how little we do. This results in a lot of time to get acquainted with The Internet. I think I might be coming close to the end of it. Well, I would be, but there’s so much porn that I don’t read. Since the sole purpose of the internet is porn, there is very little else in comparison. I am almost to the end of the non-porn Internet.

This amount of Internet-time means that Gmail is constantly open, allowing Roommate! and I to talk via GoogleChat. Today, the conversation went something like this:

ROOMMATE!: okay ew

I just got an e-mail
the person it was from was listed as “Colon Cleanse”
and it was about removing excess waste from your body
i did NOT open that e-mail
This brought to mind the time a few summers ago, when it was so hot that the idea of moving was less appealing than the idea of stewing in my own sweat, I found myself watching an infomercial about colon cleansing. I was horrified, fascinated, and more importantly, the oppressive heat wouldn’t allow me to push the channel button on the remote. Looking at pictures of feces was oddly more preferable to creating any excess heat. Apparently, we have parasites living inside of us, and are constantly constipated. Without regular colonic cleansing (which can come in the form of enemas or “herbal supplements”), we are stunted in our growth as creative people. Or some such nonsense. Essentially, we need aRoto-rooter for our bums, or become bums ourselves.
The best part was still waiting. Without any interlude, they switched to Jesus. Yes, Jesus wants us to have colonic cleansing! Without colonic cleansing, we are doomed to Hell. Who knew? I immediately asked myself, “why has the Catholic Church never taught this?! Do they want us to go to Hell? This is clearly part of some great conspiracy, keeping me from Jesus, AND from having a clean colon!”
It was at that point that I realized the heat was going to my brain, and I should go dunk my head in ice water. Or Jesus would start telling me other crazy things.
After having the above conversation with Roommate! this morning, I decided to do a little Google search. “colon cleansing” brought 246,000+ results. The Colonzone tells us that hot young girls do colonic cleansing, and if you want to be a hot young girl, you should, too. Dr. Natura has no hot young girls, but they do have pictures of the cleansing results. I suggest discretion upon going to that particular site. Zug.com played an apparent prank on the whole concept, but more importantly, they referred to Dr. Natura’s site as being filled with “poo-rnography”. Bingo.
The real fun came when I searched “colon cleansing jesus”, in hopes of finding other infomercials discussing how Jesus requires a squeaky clean colon, or no eternal salvation. This gave me 39,900+ results. Of course, this high number appears to be distorted by the sites that discuss colonic cleansing AND Jesus, but not necessarily at the same time. However, the Digestive Wellness Center subscribes to this particular tenet of Christianity. Ah ha! I did not imagine from heat stroke delusions that the infomercial told me Jesus wants a clean colon. ALWAYS GOOD TO KNOW I AM NOT GOING CRAZY. Or at least, not from this.
However, my favorite site is the Global College of Natural Medicine (who believes they’re accredited? Anyone? Anyone? No?), which says that we have the Lochness (Lochness, not Loch Ness…) monster living in our colons. The only cure? COLONIC CLEANSING, OF COURSE!
Oh, and in case you weren’t already convinced the wonders that colonics can do for you, they can also improve your skin and hair .
Because who cares about Jesus or the Lochness Monster of the anus? SKIN AND HAIR MATTER THE MOST.
*Just in case you were worried about your colon, Lisa Barger will set this whole myth straight. No Jesus involved.
This research just got me closer to the end of the non-porn Internet. My life is closer to being complete.


Bloody Mary Steaks
January 26, 2008, 10:48 pm
Filed under: Food | Tags: , , ,

One of my goals from this blog is to regularly share recipes that I have discovered and enjoyed. I love to eat, and I love to cook. I would like to cook more often, preferably followed immediately by eating. Perhaps writing about it will encourage me to cook more! Or at least, as often as I can when restricted by school and monetary constraints. Also, cooking elaborately is difficult when one doesn’t have a car in a city: who wants to go grocery shopping that often, and have to drag the food back on a bus, and then trek from the bus stop to home? I don’t, that’s for sure. Give me a few months, and that problem will be solved.

Anyways, dinner one!

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Menu: Bloody Mary Flank Steaks, Boiled Potatoes, Salad, American Pie Cocktails.

  • Blood Mary Flank Steaks:  This is a marinade based on the idea of a Bloody Mary: tomato juice and vodka with horseradish and various spices. Plus olive oil to make it a good marinade. We let it sit for 8 hours, because we wanted to eat it for dinner and didn’t have the fixin’s for the marinade until late morning. Very easy to make, as long as you prepare in advance. Very tender, juicy and tasty. Didn’t get a whole lot of the Blood Mary vibe. I think the horseradish and hot sauce can be increased without any problems. Kudos to “Guy’s Big Eats” on the Food Network for this tasty meat.

Here is Bear enjoying dinner:

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  • Boiled Potatoes: Get potatoes. Boil. Butter, salt and pepper. Not a hard task. Kudos to Betty Crocker for cooking times.
  • Salad: Yeah. Leaves. In bowl. Add dressing.
  • American Pie Cocktails: This is another “Guy’s Big Eats” creation. Kind of on the sweet side for me, but I am an avid fan of gin and tonics, so I might be biased. The cranberry juice evens out the sweet of the whiskey and apple liqueur. Could be improved with 100% cranberry juice, not from concentrate, without high fructose corn syrup, but one can’t be picky. Still a fun, tasty drink. Especially if you like them strong.

And here we have Roommate making faces during dinner. I never said we were civilized.

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All in all, a delicious meal. The recipes from The Food Network will be saved. Possibly even made again.
Now, back to my American Pie Cocktail.


Cast of Characters
January 26, 2008, 8:19 pm
Filed under: daily | Tags:

1. Me. My name is Katrina. Go read my “about” section for further information.

2. Boyfriend. Also known as Bear. Fulfills the name by being cute, cuddly and furry. Bluest eyes in the universe. Favorite. Am understandably attached.

3. Mama! is very tall. A little loud. First all-time favorite person ever. Known for measuring neighbors’ grass and swearing in church.

4. Papa! is shorter than Mama!. This explains the middle range of myself. It was a long time before I realized what an oddity my family is. Love of reading and excessive spoilage is all his fault.

5. Brotha. 13 years my senior. Super smart! Lives in the East near Mama! and Papa!.

6. Grandma. 93. Very old. Just noticed it this year. Hilarious, tiny little lady.

6. Hannah-Banana, the Warrior of the Universe. Pictures have already been posted. My special family is obligated to have the most ridiculous dog on the block.

7. Roommate. Former prom date. Will probably rent a room in my house forever.

8. Extended crazy family! One whole character unto themselves.