At the library just now:

Librarian: You have over $25 in fines, so you can’t check anything out until you bring them below that.

Patron: You won’t let me check out books?

Librarian: Not unless you pay down your fines.

Patron: Can’t you just override them?

Librarian: No, it’s standard library policy.

Patron: Can’t you just make them go away?

Librarian: No? They aren’t optional?

What a peculiar interaction. Since when are library fines optional? Who assumes that just because they don’t want to pay fines, that they don’t have to? What am I going to do, just wave my magic wand and sprinkle some fairy dust and we’ll all just forget that you didn’t return a lot of books on time?

When I can do that, I’ll also start farting sunshine and rainbows, ok?

You know, just as a point of interest, if you don’t pay your bills on time, they charge you for it. If you don’t return a movie you rented on time, they charge you for it. If you don’t turn in your homework on time, you get docked points. In fact, due dates in every other aspect of life are mandatory. If you choose to ignore them, you are then charged for it. Just because we didn’t charge you for these books in the first place doesn’t mean that we won’t notice or charge you if you choose not to return them on time.

There was much huffing and puffing and angry faces when we made her pay a grand total of $2.01 in order to have fines below $25.

Apparently she thinks she farts rainbows and sunshine, if she thinks she’s special enough to be exempt from the rules. Even if she did fart rainbows and sunshine IN FRONT OF ME, I still wouldn’t be able to just make the fines go away.

If she were a LoLcat, it would say, “Personal Responsibility. Ur doin it wrong.”