Show me.

“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” -John Kuebler

That bit of advice is often given to children or young people. I remember my third grade teacher, a scary nun, repeating it. I guess it’s meant to keep kids from hanging out with the bad kids, the ones who are obviously going to end up on drugs and/or in prison.

Worthy advice, worthy goal.

I don’t think that advice matters less in adulthood. Sure we’re “in” our futures. Hopefully we’re not addicted to drugs or in prison. At least not yet. There’s still time!

But it still matters who we hang out with. It matters who we choose to spend our limited time with. It matters who our friends are. We might not be on the playground anymore, and we might not ever become addicted to drugs. But that doesn’t mean that the friends we have don’t influence us.

If you’re trying to save money or spend less, staying with a crowd of people that eats out every night, buys the latest toys, and always has the nicest cars is probably going to make that goal harder.

If you’re trying to quit smoking, having smoker friends is going to make that harder.

If you’re trying to to improve your marriage and your relationship with your husband, talking to friends who cheat on their husbands is going to make that harder.

If you’re trying to lose weight, going out to eat with friends who aren’t dieting is going to make that harder.

If you’re trying to find God, talking to friends who dislike religion is going to make that harder.

If you’re trying to be nicer to yourself and to others, being with people who constantly critique, pick on, and judge other people directly to them is going to make that harder.

If you’re trying to not gossip, associating with gossips is going to make that harder.

———————————————

I find it hard to make friends. I’m shy, I’m anxious about being liked, and awkward.

But I’ve never had a problem with ending a friendship that was bringing me down, or turning me into a person I didn’t like. And that’s not going to change. It hurts when it happens to me, but I have to respect that person’s decision.

I want my friends to love me, to support me, and also to encourage me to be a better person.

As a result, I can look at the friends I’ve made and kept over the years, and I’m grateful for the decisions I’ve made in choosing them, particularly my girl friends. We’ve grown up to be smart, kind, funny, successful, strong women. As an adult, I’ve met more of the same.

And you know what? I am blessed. I don’t have to be friends with everyone. I don’t WANT to be friends with everyone. And if you don’t want to be friends with me, well I guess we can consider that self-selection.

 

How do you feel about your friendships as an adult? Do you have any regrets?

Performance Review

Grabbed this from Linda

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Went on a week long beach vacation with my inlaws. Officially became an animal hoarder. Plotted the progress of my garden. Finished my coursework for good (FOR REALS THIS TIME, I SWEAR I MEAN IT). Got a 2nd dog. Cleaned out a hoarder’s house. 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


I don’t make resolutions. I prefer to keep my expectations low. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


My cousin’s wife produced a baby boy. But if they live in Kansas City, can I say that they’re close to me?

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not to me, but my husband’s grandmother and her brother died within 2 weeks of each other. 

5. What countries did you visit?

None.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Less stress. More focus. Maybe a pregnancy, if I have the nerve. 

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The weekend of our anniversary spent in West Virginia. The day shortly after that I found out my cousin has stage 4 lung cancer. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Developing, proposing, conducting, and finishing my master’s thesis. 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Every time I snapped at my husband or felt like I was less than worthy. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

A cold here and there, but nothing dramatic. 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

All the flowers in my garden. 

12. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, savings. This is the first year that we have both had discretionary income and didn’t have anything big to pay for, like a house or an engagement ring or a wedding. Figuring out what to do with it and what’s coming next was a big task. 

13. What did you get really excited about?

Cooking. 

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?

“The Dog Days are Over” by Florence and the Machine. Not that I had dog days, but I’ve spent a lot of time rocking out to this in my cubicle or my kitchen whenever I need a serious kick in the ass. 

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Both. Happy with what I’m doing and how my life is going, sadder about the hard stuff I can’t control. Cancer, death, developmental delays. 
– thinner or fatter? The same.
– richer or poorer? Incrementally better off. 

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Going fun places with my husband and dogs. For people who don’t have kids or any serious responsibilities, I have no idea how our weekends get as packed full as they do. 

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Screwing around on the internet. Biting my nails. Feeling like crap for no good reason. 

18. How did you spend Christmas?

With my inlaws. Better than last year. This time with less crying during church, but still feeling sad about the food I was missing at home. 

19. What was your favorite TV program?

Big Bang Theory. How I Met Your Mother. Walking Dead. Two Broke Girls. 

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

Albion’s Seed. The People of the Book. A Game of Thrones. A Clash of Kings. The Help. Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World. 

21. What was your favorite music from this year?


Adele. 

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

The Help. The Muppets. 

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

My husband made a chocolate cake with peanut butter icing and put 25 candles on it. My twin nephews spat on it while helping me blow out the candles. 

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Being able to decide what comes next. I hate the unknown. 

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Grad student. 

26. What kept you sane?

Delicious red wine and cubicle dance parties. 

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.


The scariest things are almost always the things you need to do the most. Just dive in.